What we really need now is a good insult. I can?t believe the Department of Homeland Security wasn?t prepared for this eventuality. We pay all these taxes, and they don?t even have a Disaster Plan.
A good disaster response plan has really catchy disparaging terms. Like, in the early 20th century we had the word ?Wop", ?Without Papers? to insult refugees. Who could forget the Okies, and all those hobos and bums in their shantytown Hoovervilles? Then later after WWII, we had D.P.s, ?Displaced Persons?. Since I grew up partly in Houston, I had the handy term ?wetback? to add to the plethora of racial insults available to insult Latinos living in the area.
Now, post-Katrina, we need something catchy so we can talk smack about hurricane refugees. I was thinking at first ?Nolas", but then realized that would leave out all the people from Biloxi and Gulfport. FEMAbots? No. Too technical-sounding. So how about ?Caners?. It?s short. It?s simple. It rolls off the tongue beautifully. You can say it, then lean over a little and spit expressively on the sidewalk. ?Goddamn filthy Caners, messin? up our city.? *spit* See?
How come I had to think of this? Imagine all those decent, hardworking people who live in Houston. They?re being flooded with dirty homeless people who mostly talk funny and who probably just finished looting some DVDs, Huggies, and Fritos out of a Quickie-Mart, and who?s going to hire them when they can?t prove who they are? Why didn?t they have their birth certificates and social security cards into ziplock baggies, stapled into their underwear, just in case the levees broke? They keep freaking out and crying like howling animals. They can?t even act like civilized people. Shooting?s too good for them. And when that?s the case, you need a good catch-all term to make them seem more like desperate subhumans - to encourage the proper state of paranoia and suspicion among decent citizens.
The people in Houston and Atlanta can breathe easy, because while the Dept. of Homeland Security and FEMA have fallen down on the job, I am here in the breach, extending the glorious English language.
